Is there really such a thing as the perfect valentine?

Maybe it’s finding that perfect card that says exactly what is in your heart?

Or it could be a beautiful box of chocolates or a dozen red roses?

Maybe it’s a surprise date where everything is set up and ordered and delivered in total perfection and blissful love?

Or is it cuddling up with and being intimate with a special someone?

Well what about those who don’t have a special someone? What about those who dread this holiday that was truly made just to find the perfect card, the perfect gift, or the perfect someone to celebrate with?

Or what if things don’t go according to your perfectly planned out Valentine’s?

What then?

Is all hope lost for enjoying Valentine’s Day?

"A table covered in a nice tablecloth with a vase of red roses, a box of chocolates, a wrapped gift, and two glasses of wine on it." — "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance" — Oscar Wilde

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection" — Buddha

As a child I used to think that the most perfect and loving valentine was my grandpa. He was born on Valentine’s Day and had the middle name Valentine. I thought that was so cool. And he was such a kind and loving man he fit the idea of a perfect valentine perfectly.

As I got a little older and began to be interested in boys in Elementary School…I thought that the perfect valentine was to get that special card in my box from that boy I had a bit of a crush on. And if he put it in my box with a heart drawn on it or my name written out and attached my favorite candy to it then it made it all the more perfect.

In Jr. High and High School the perfect valentine was to get my dance card signed (yes we actually had dance cards when I was young) and asked to dance with a really cute boy.

Then came college and a boyfriend. Could I get a more perfect valentine?

I could and I did. My boyfriend proposed to me on Valentine’s Day! It might be a bit sappy and cliche I guess…but for me who had longed for such a love for so long it was truly the perfect valentine, in the guy, the gift and the day.

So now I had it all. The whole perfect package. A husband who always remembered Valentine’s Day who would get me that perfect card that said all the right things, the delicious and decadent box of chocolates, and the bright and beautiful roses.

And of course I too had someone to give the card and gifts and love to as well.

Soon all of that got even more perfect as children came and we were able to shower love and gifts on them.

And as they got older to help them make all those perfect valentines and boxes and treats to give to their classmates. (That’s when I learned that it really wasn’t all that perfect when you got a special card in your box from a boy you liked…it was just a mother making them for her kid…dang! Oh well…it’s still something fun to feel and imagine as a child.)

And then almost suddenly it seemed, all that perfect valentine and love and gifts and cards and chocolates and roses ended.

Divorce doesn’t make for a very perfect valentine environment, emotions, and feelings.

It kind of kills it actually.

I still have my kids of course and love them deeply but they’re older now and don’t make boxes and cards for classmates any more. And they’ve got their own girlfriends and boyfriends and want to do perfect valentine things for them. Getting stuff from mom for Valentine’s Day isn’t all that cool.

And me, well, I still have crushes and would love to have someone ask me to dance, but it’s not for boys anymore, since my divorce, spending time on my own in self discovery and in therapy working on my own healing, I’ve learned some new things about myself and who I am and who and how I choose to love. And so my search for the perfect valentine continues. And until I find that someone to share my life with, when Valentine’s comes around, I don’t get chocolates, or cards or roses or get to cuddle up and be intimate with a special someone. And I don’t have anyone to give those things to either.

It’s just me.

And over the years I’ve thought more on that…it’s just me.

And that’s when it hit me. The perfect valentine.

ME!

I am the perfect valentine. I am the perfect gift. I am the perfect card and expression of love. I am the perfect sweet treat. I am the perfect beauty. And since I am never without me I will never again be without a perfect valentine. Not just once on a certain day of a certain month of the year. But every single day of every month of every year. I get to be the perfect valentine. I get to love myself.

And because I love me I get to love you and everyone else.

Self love is not selfish. It is powerful and makes it possible to love others even more.

Love is the greatest healer. Love overcomes fear. Love can change hearts. Love can change the world.

Love can only come from a vessel of love. So if we aren’t full of love for ourselves…how are we to fully give of our love to those that we love…let alone to the world?

"A single white woman holding a cut out of a red heart on her chest in contemplation of love of herself." — I am the perfect valentine. I am the perfect gift. I am the perfect card and expression of love. I am the perfect sweet treat. I am the perfect beauty.

But…you may be saying to yourself… I’m not perfect. I’m not beautiful. I’m not sweet. I’m alone. I’m sad. I’m fearful. I’m anxious. And because I am those things I can’t love myself and therefore will never have anyone to love me and be the perfect valentine for me nor I for them.

Well I am here to tell you that all the flaws and fears, and worries and woes that you may be thinking and feeling about yourself are the very things that make you so perfect.

We all have flaws and fears and worries and woes.

We are all perfectly imperfect!

Each one of us is unique in our imperfections and yet also very similar. Understanding our imperfections and being able to love and accept them as part of us…the beautiful unique wonderful us that we are…is a valuable lesson in love. It is also a very valuable expression of love.

In fact it is the perfect expression of love. Thus the perfect valentine.

Despite what society and commercialism is telling you this day is all about…the cards, the chocolates, the gifts, the flowers…it is really about LOVE.

Love for yourself. Love for others. Love for the world.

Thus you are the perfect valentine, the perfect expression of Love and what this day is all about.

So give yourself a hug. Give yourself a gift. Give yourself a card. Tell yourself how amazing and beautiful and special you are. Look in the mirror and see the perfect valentine today and every day!

Then go and share that love with others and help them see it in themselves. And let’s all be the perfect valentines that we truly are.

My dear grandpa, who lived a beautiful and exemplary life to the age of 98 was my first understanding of what a perfect valentine was. His love and example of loving yourself and loving others lives on every day in my heart. I am so grateful for him and for all the lessons I have learned and continue to learn in love.

Love is perfect. You are love and you are loved. Therefore you are perfect just the way you are.

Your imperfections don’t dismiss nor diminish your perfection. Your perfection is always present in the love and the joy that is within you.

See that love.

Feel that love.

Be that love.

Be the perfect valentine.